Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
