How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
