I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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