If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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