Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pooping to opera.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
