your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
