careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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