Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
