I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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