dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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