This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
