Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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