You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
