Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
