I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
