I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
