im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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