Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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