i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
