I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize