I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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