tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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