I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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