If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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