How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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