It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
