what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
