did you get engaged???
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
