Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Mom said you looked used
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
