How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize