There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
tell me about the fingering
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize