I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
