some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
