True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Someone signed my nipple.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
