You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
