I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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