Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
