this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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