well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize