4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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