why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
