Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
