we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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