Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Still dying that you shit outside
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
