I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
