I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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