epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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