i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
