In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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