I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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