Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
