guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
