just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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