You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize