The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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