dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
