heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
