i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
