he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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