It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
