Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
