she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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