No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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