You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
