We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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