maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
