I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This can only be settled by a dance off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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