My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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