Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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