I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
