Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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