and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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