Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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