Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am available for nakedness
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
