he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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