i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize