1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
