Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
