My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
