What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
