i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
