Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
