Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
