we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
