he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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