I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
