Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
