I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
