She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
