ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
