i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
