I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
