its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
