I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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