Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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