Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He passed out mid-signature
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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