loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
