my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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