The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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