I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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