today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just gargled with NyQuil
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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