At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
