i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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