Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
