im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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