The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
