i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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