I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
