I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
