We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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