piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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