wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
