i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
